Dating and Courtship
I was viewing the entire relationship in terms of marriage while she was . You go to work and you use the agency, power, and ability that God has given you. Dating Standards-Eternal Marriage Student Manual. He is a son of God, deemed worthy of holding the holy priesthood of God. He does not need tattoos or. Courtship is a time to discover who you and your partner really are—and How did the Bensons develop their strong relationship? . Besides being contrary to the commandments of God, physical intimacy before marriage also blocks the.
One young friend of ours charted the stormy process: I was viewing the entire relationship in terms of marriage while she was having a good time dating this nice fellow—me! By the sheer force of my enthusiasm, I suppose, I assumed that she was as ready as I and surprised her with a diamond.
After all, Tom was a returned missionary, he obviously loved me, and I did like him a lot. So I took it. It seemed heavy and serious. I was trying to make it grow. None of it worked because it was so manipulative. We were no longer growing in our trust and understanding. Tom and Louise discovered that principle. I was going to be happy regardless! As soon as he became a whole person, confident within himself, he became very appealing and attractive to me.
Consequently, some singles that we have seen in our BYU wards remain in a perpetual holding pattern. Because he fears he is unacceptable as he is, he tries too hard, forcing himself to be something he is not. This facade is just that—phony. A girl would have to fall in love with Bob almost in spite of him rather than because of him since she would have such a difficult time finding out who he really is.
She is always pleasant and cheerful, thinking of others and helping wherever possible. As a nurse, she was concerned not only about her patients but also their families. She has been a stake missionary and was recently called to serve a full-time welfare services mission. Each of us can and should lead a rich, full life, content with what the Lord gives us. We can take every opportunity to experience learning, develop talents, and contribute to others.
Our own happiness in what we are doing with our lives sometimes becomes our most lovable asset. In contrast, many happily married couples will tell you that their first meeting was anything but ideal. Mary Ann thought Ed was awfully sober and Ed solemnly told his friends she was cute but too flighty and giggly.
Fortunately, they let the relationship grow instead of drifting on in search of instant thrills. If you desire the inspiration of the Lord in this crucial decision, you must live the standards of the Church, and you must pray constantly for the wisdom to recognize those qualities upon which a successful union may be based. You must do the choosing, rather than seek for some one-and-only so-called soul mate, chosen for you by someone else and waiting for you.
Faith, Hope, and Relationships
We know a couple who desired special guidance in their lives. She was nineteen, and he was twenty-six. Each of them, unbeknown to the other, was fasting and praying once a week—not about marriage—but to improve their relationship with the Lord.
Seek spiritual confirmation wisely. We are all entitled to receive spiritual confirmation in choosing a companion, but the decision must be our own.
- What’s So Special about 16?
- Prepare Your Children for the Physical Intimacies of Marriage
- Courtship Requires Effort and Restraint
McConkie counseled BYU students: While sex drive is a myth, husbands and wives do have physical and emotional needs that are fulfilled through sexual union.
There are times within the marriage when complete abstinence is appropriate for extended periods of time, such as during ill health, difficult pregnancy, separation due to employment away from home, or a need to restore respect and mutually decent emotional and spiritual relationships.
Throughout the marriage, the husband is expected, in the name of simple decency, to understand and sustain his wife as she literally gives her body to create life. Although no significant physical changes are likely for men after marriage, bearing children evokes very significant changes for women. These changes are so profound and complex that each couple should seek reliable medical information about them.
Ideally, both will study this information before and then again during pregnancy. This study should provoke within pure hearts gratitude for the human body and its godlike parts.
The objective is to increase virtue, not carnality. The health of the fetus is directly affected by the health of the mother and father. Parents whose systems are free of harmful substances are far less likely to bear children with birth defects. These harmful substances include illicit drugs, such as LSD, marijuana, and cocaine, as well as alcohol, tobacco, and even some prescription medications.
The prophets who have warned against polluting the fountains of life were speaking for the Creator in warning us that there are diseases, substances, and practices that can harm the child within the womb.
A healthy mother is an advantage to a developing fetus. Fundamental hygiene is important, including regular bathing and clean, fresh clothing. The mother should eat healthy foods and liquids during and long before pregnancy so that the baby will receive good nourishment through the umbilical connection between the placenta and the uterus.
She should exercise to maintain proper blood circulation and healthy respiration.Mormon Marriage
We would do well to ever remind ourselves of our first mortal parents. Instructing them, Heavenly Father commanded them to give attention to the whole range of their powers and passions. They were to subdue the earth, create and nurture posterity, become one flesh physically, cleave unto each other socially and emotionally, and learn to serve the purposes of God. They, as we, were endowed with bodies, parts, and passions after the image of the Creator.
This implies that as we, the children of God, develop virtuously within marriage we will discover ever more profound enjoyments of all his creations, including our own emotions, bodies, and spiritual capacities. Teach Children What to Look for in Potential Companions Courtship is a time to discover if partners are socially and emotionally matched for an eternal relationship. Selfish, unkind habits may be hidden temporarily but inevitably will break through. Unselfishness, respect, generosity, and kindliness may waver under the tension of courtship or the stresses of marriage but will also inevitably break through and dominate.
As many bishops know, there are too many heartrending situations where couples ignored social and emotional danger signs during courtship in the vain hope that things would improve after marriage. It is far better to break up an engagement than a marriage. There is no comparison between the temporary annoyance of calling off a wedding and the enduring pain of a broken marriage.
President McKay stressed this: You see how necessary it is to look for the characteristics of honesty, of loyalty, of chastity, and of reverence. A fellow student and I considered that query one night as we walked together. As boys of that age frequently do, we were talking about girls. Neither he nor I knew whether or not we were in love. Of course I had not then met my present sweetheart.
And I ask you young women to cherish that same guide.
What does he inspire in you? Improvement Era, ], pp. During courtship a couple practices the merging of two separate lives.
Dating FAQs - new-era
Habits, good or bad, are not easily changed. No one is perfect. Courtship is a time to observe and weigh what the other person is like, at his or her best and worst. You might take a careful inventory of your habits, your speech, your appearance, your weight, if it is heavier than most people appreciate, and your eccentricities, if you have them.
Take each item and analyze it. What do you like in others? What personality traits please you in others? Are your dresses too short, too long, too revealing, too old-fashioned? Does your weight drive off possible suitors? Do you laugh raucously? Are you too selfish?
Are you interested only in your own interests or do you project yourself into the lives of others? Do you have annoying mannerisms? Are you too anxious or too disinterested? Can you make some sacrifices to be acceptable? Are you dull or are you too exuberant? Are you flashy or are you disinteresting? What do you do to make yourself desirable?
Do you overdo or underdo? Too much makeup or too little? Scrupulously clean both physically and morally? Are you in the right place or have you pegged yourself? One young girl was getting into the twenties and without opportunity. I urged her to move from the home which she shared with several older girls, leave the office as steno, and go to college where she would meet people of the right age.
I happened one day to be on that campus sometime later and here she came to me, bubbling like a fresh new breeze, with a bright ribbon tying her hair and an optimistic and happy personality. A few months later I was invited to a temple marriage. It may not always work that well. I think nearly all people have some. If so, then go to work. It is not an overstatement to say that marriage requires all a couple can do to succeed.
That is a law of life for any priceless goal. There are enough disruptions in families, divergent life-styles, and differences in society and in the Church that young people may not meet others with similar backgrounds. They should be especially careful in this case to make sure a potential partner has the traits of good character, such as kindness, integrity, and diligence.
Conclusion Virtuous living by couples who seek to learn the higher roles of a mother and father requires that they forsake unrighteous and worldly ideas and practices. There is little justification for marriage if its prime purpose is merely to legitimize sexual relations. There is every reason to enjoy sexual intimacies among the various intimacies of a virtuous marriage. The earlier stages of human growth and development all lead to courtship and marriage, either here or hereafter.
We serve worthy ends if we accept this goal. Parents should teach each succeeding stage of development by example and instruction. As they help their children through each stage, parents relive and refine their own earlier development. The objective of parents is to prepare their children for successful courtships and eternal marriages. Prayer and spiritual accountability are critical aids to the courting couple. They discussed the cautions that should be observed so that the engaged couple would not spoil their love for and commitment to each other.
They agreed that the goal of a temple marriage required continued virtue and the avoidance of unchaste familiarities. The father asked the couple how he might help them maintain their virtuous path to a celestial marriage.
The daughter reminded her father that he had always taught her that every person is accountable to Heavenly Father for their behavior.
She said she accepted that responsibility. But you are, Dad. I can see you. Would it be all right if we accounted to you weekly for our behavior?
I know if we could, we would do just fine. How about it, Dad?